Dog Days of Forge World
by Ursinomancer
Summary: A series of one-shots about life in Canyon. Centric around the Reds, but the Blues do make frequent appearances. These stories only have the characters in common. Rated T for language to be safe.
1. A Brand New Image

This does take place within the Epsilon unit, but all the characters have their original personality.

Disclaimer: I do not own anyone you recognize. This is purely for entertainment, and not for profit.

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A Brand New Image

It was a regular day in the canyon, both the Reds and the Blues were busy minding their own business. Typically, the soldiers just spent their days doing nothing, and that's exactly what they were doing today, well most of them. The one soldier who usually never passed up this opportunity had just spent most of his day wandering the canyon looking for one of his missing teammates. He finally gave up after an hour of 'search and rescue', and returned to base. The orange soldier then proceeded to his bed, and fell face down into it. Any type of physical exercise always made him want to take naps, and this day was no exception. He was ready to sleep when a cheery voice spoke to him.

"Hey Grif! Beautiful day, isn't it?" Grif sat up and saw the pink clad soldier sitting resting on his bed reading a magazine.

"Donut, where have you been? I've been looking for you all day." Grif said sound very annoyed.

"Why were you looking for me?" Donut wondered, his eyes still glued to his magazine.

"Because Sarge wanted to find you."

"Really? But he's passed me several times already though." Donut commented as he turned a page.

"What? Then why did he-nevermind..." Grif started, but decided getting angry would take more effort than he was willing to put in. He instead, decided to figure out what was keeping Donut so occupied,

"What are you doing?"

"Reading the latest issue of 'Armor Your Assets!'" He replied enthusiastically.

"Yeah. I'm gonna sleep now." Grif remembered that he had no interest in hearing his teammates babbles.

"Wait, don't you want to see what I picked out for you?" The newer soldier seemed disappointed.

"Does it come with a jetpack, so that I can get out of this valley?" Grif mumbled as he laid back down.

"No. But it does help you look more toned." Donut replied handing over his magazine to his less passionate teammate. Grif sighed and accepted it, on the bright side, he now had some reading material that would put him to sleep.

"Which circles are mine?" He asked, seeing the massive amounts of different colored markings.

"The orange ones, of course." Donut smiled inside of his helmet and continued with his speech. "See, I have this vision for all of us. Just because we're on the same team doesn't mean we have to lose our identity by wearing all the same armor. And by getting brand new armor, it sends the message: Hey, we're the Reds. We can be fierce and fashionable at the same time," he stated proudly.

"Isn't there some rule that all teammates have to wear the same armor?" Grif confirmed

"Gee, thanks Simmons," Donut countered in a mocking tone. "I'll get to you later, right now I'm with Grif. And with that, I think the Close Quarters Battle helmet would slim your facial region down. I also recommend the C.Q.B. chest plate and the E.V.A. Arms. It'll provide you with a slender, but rugged look. Perfect for the battlefield and then a night out!" Grif would never admit it, but he agreed with Donut. But he thought the new armor looked cool, not that it was 'perfect for a night out'.

"Hmm. Can I keep my old color?" Grif asked as he browsed through the different armors.

"Although you rock orange, I think coral aka light-ish orange would help mute your already chiseled features and make you a presentable 'tough guy' on the outside, but 'caring and understanding on the inside.'"

"Right...Before I agree to you making me 'light-ish orange'. Can I ask how Sarge feels about this? Because I have no interest in getting shot over something he doesn't even like." Grif had a hard time imaging his possibly insane leader, of all people, being okay with this.

"He says I can do whatever I want." Donut stated.

"Huh, how did you manage that?"

"Well, I was showing him the hard case I wanted, so I could put energy bars in it for my daily runs. But he got distracted by the fabulous accessory called the Tactical UGPS. So, I told him I'd order him one if he lets the whole team get new armor, and he agreed."

"Wait, you ordered Sarge another weapon? One he probably doesn't even know how to use?...Yeah I can see this working out well."

"It's not a weapon, silly. It's a GPS system used for locating and displaying locations and objectives," Donut corrected, "and I think it's great that he's embracing new technology."

"That's not any better though." Grif pointed out. Knowing every well that his commanding officer did not need a way to keep track of everyone at all times.

"Ugh, you're such a downer. Just like Simmons." The more emotional man whined.

"You mean the ass-kisser isn't all for this idea? I thought for sure that he'd follow in Sarge's footsteps."

"No. He says changing armor variants in the middle of a war is against all regulations, and that we shouldn't do it. Buuut, I'm ordering him Security shoulders anyway. It'll make him seem gifted in the upper body department. He'll thank me later." Donut explained.

"I see...Well, if Simmons doesn't like it, then I'm all for it. I want the new armor." Grif reasoned.

"I'm so glad to hear that! I already ordered it!" Donut squealed.

"Why am I not surprised? When are they coming?"

"I ordered priority shipping, and it says they'll be here in 8 to 9 years! Isn't that great?"

"Halo 9 will probably be out by then."

"So? We'll be retro chic when we do get our armor." Donut idealized.

"I think I'm beginning to regret this..." Grif grumbled wanting to get to sleep now more than ever.


	2. Socially Unacceptable

Is there anything that bothers both the Red's and Blue's? Of course there is. And naturally, it winds up being their own teammates.

Disclaimer: I do not own anyone you recognize. This is purely for entertainment, and not for profit.

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It was an average afternoon at Blue base, and the team was enjoying the peace and silence. They were also looking forward to wasting more time, but it was unfortunately disrupted by a beam of red energy that hit their leader possibly killing him.

"Oh my God! Church!? Are you okay?" Tucker shouted as he ran over to the seemingly lifeless body. A pale apparition stood next to the body and immediately answered, "What the fuck was that!?"

"I don't know! But it came real fast!...Bow-Chicka-Bow-Wow." The teal soldier smirked.

"Tucker. Did you seriously just crack an awful sex joke right after the _second_ I died?" The blue leader was rightfully pissed.

"What?" Tucker just shrugged, "Am I supposed to feel bad? You didn't actually die."

"It's a respect thing. Normal people don't find the death of one of their comrades entertaining. And they certainly don't use it as an opportunity to be a moron." Church growled as he began to feel his blood boil.

"Yeah, but if I can't joke now? When can I?"

"Gee, I don't know, maybe wait a few years? At least give me a memorial service man."

"One second, one year? What's the difference?" Tucker logically put together.

"It's the principal-ethics, shit I don't know! I just know you're not supposed to do it!" Church yelled, which caused the other Blue teammate come see what was happening.

"Church! I heard a bang! Are we having a party!?" The very mentally challenged soldier asked. Tucker jumped in before Church could sway him to his side,

"Hey, Caboose. Do you think it's okay to make light of a terrible situation?"

"Make light...? I didn't know it was possible to make lights–"

"I meant make a joke." Tucker interrupted his teammate's slow thinking process.

"No. It's not," Church spouted out, "because the situation is not funny. Therefore, attempts to make the situation more humorous is a bad decision. Both morally and ethically."

"What are we talking about?" Caboose asked, becoming more confused than he usually was.

"Church got 'killed' again, and is bitchin' about how I don't take it seriously." Tucker explained.

"Oh, that is funny." The simple blue soldier agreed.

"No it's not! It's humanely wrong to find my death hilarious!" Church shouted at his unsympathetic team.

"But you're a ghost. That doesn't count." Tucker reminded him. The Blue leader silently shot a death glare at his idiotic friends/teammates.

* * *

While the Blues were bickering among themselves, the Reds on the opposite end of the canyon found themselves engaged in a ridiculous conversation as well.

"Did you hit him?" The red Staff Sergeant asked the brown soldier.

"Sí." He flatly said.

"Head shot too, or maybe it was a body shot?" Grif confirmed still looking through the sniper rifle.

"Great job Lopez. I think I'm going to like this brand new weapon. Good choice on picking it out Simmons." The Red leader praised with a nod.

"Thanks! I'm here to please!" The maroon soldier quickly responded.

"Hey ass-kisser. I'm the one who picked it out." Grif grumbled.

"Nonsense. Everyone knows you can't read." Sarge said.

"Not wanting to, and not being able to are two different things." The man in orange pointed out. Lopez took aim again, and shot off towards the opposite base; but managed to missed all three of the Blues.

"Did you get the annoying one this time?" Sarge asked.

"All of them are annoying though." Simmons commented.

"Yo sólo puede aspirar a uno a la vez/_I can only aim at one at a time._" The laser wielder responded. Just then, a pink soldier joined the rest of the gang.

"Hey guys. I heard a big-Oh! You're playing with the Spartan Laser? Why didn't anyone tell me?"

"Because you make everything weird." Simmons said.

"Do not. I'm perfectly fine the way I am. And if you don't like it, then you're just a hater." Donut proclaimed.

"Quiet down Nancy boy. Let's take a minute to marvel at this wonderful killing machine and thank the Laser Gods that gave it to us." Sarge ordered.

"There are no such things as 'Laser Gods'. And I ordered it from the UNSC Weapons Outlet Store. So you should be thanking me." Simmons corrected his superior. In hopes for some much needed praise.

"Private Simmons, why would we thank you? You can't shoot a mile long laser out of your face...or can you?" The sergeant asked himself.

"I like the fact that it takes forever to charge up again. It means I can take naps in between shots." Grif sarcastically remarked.

"I'm just glad that we finally have something to rival their tank." Simmons muttered.

"Yo no estoy utilizando esta en contra de su/_I am not using this against her._" Lopez monotonously responded as he purposely shot another round way off from the Blue team.

"Well, I'm happy that it's a one shot-kill," Sarge admitted. "It means I don't have to waste time shooting a blue over and over to kill them. That means I have more time to seek out more blues that need killing, which is all of them. Also having a red laser isn't a bad touch either."

Donut eagerly added, "Oh yes. I love that it shoots out an unstoppable red hot laser that gets real deep into whatever it wants."

"See. That's what I'm talking about. You always ruin everything." The maroon soldier accused. Grif nodded and came to his defense,

"Yeah. I have to agree with Simmons on this. You could just say 'it's fun, but deadly' instead of making an awkward metaphor."

"Why don't you talk about the engineering that went into it, or the specs? That's always amusing." The very dorkiest on of them all suggested.

"Ah okay. I like that it's a big weapon. You know I appreciate a gun with a good girth." Donut innocently declared.

"No. That's bad." Simmons scolded.

"And I like that it deals splash damage." the pink Private complimented.

"Better." Simmons nodded approvingly.

"The laser gets so full that it has to burst. And when it does, it totally explodes and splashes damage all over everyone!" Donut explained cheerfully.

"Dammit Donut. I'm leaving." Simmons said in frustration as he retreated into the base.

"Me too. I suddenly don't find the laser as cool as I used too." Grif sighed following his fellow Red teammate.

"Aw, really? But I just got here." Donut complained as Lopez shot off another round. That shot was a total miss too, efficiently draining the battery in the process.

"Mi láser necesita ser recargado/_ My laser needs to be charged._" The robotic man announced before he headed back into the base.

"Darn," Sarge was clearly disappointed that target practice was over. "I was hoping we could get the rest of those Blue bastards. Oh well, they'll live another day...for now." He threatened the out-of-sight enemies before he returned to his quarters. Donut walked over to the edge of the base and hollered down at his hiding team members,

"Guys? Are you coming back? I can wait here if you want...Was it something I said?"


	3. PSA: Brace Yourselves, Fall is Coming

Fall can be a scary time for the unprepared individual, but with Donut's advice it doesn't have to be.

Disclaimer: I do not own anyone you recognize. This is purely for entertainment, and not for profit.

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"Hey this Private Franklin Delano Donut reporting live right outside Red Base and I'm here to help the eager boys and girls get ready for the Fall's latest trends!...But first I need to run back into the base because I just realized that I forgot my color swatches!" The pink private then made a sprinted into the base.

"Hold on, this is what the PSA is about?" Tucker asked.

"Yeah, I thought it was going to involve imps and dragons." Grif replied sounded very disappointed. The maroon soldier couldn't pass up the opportunity to insult his fellow teammate.

"Dragons and imps?" He scoffed, "Pfft, and you said I was a dork."

"To be honest, I just watch it for the violence and naked girls." The orange one countered. That instantly got a hold of a certain Blue soldier's attention.

"Wait, what about naked chicks? I want to know for, um, research purposes." Tucker asked curiously. Everyone but the Red sergeant shot him a weird look. He was already in a bad mood, and wanted to hurry up with this unnecessary meeting.

"Pretty-in-Pink, let's gets this over with!" Sarge shouted, "I don't like standing around in front of these Blues. They're gonna start thinking we're lazy like them." The Blues were miserable standing in a line just like the Reds, so the Blue leader let that be known.

"Hey, fuck you Red. We're only out here because of Donut. So, like always, the reason of our suffering is because of you guys." Church pointed out as Donut returned to the rest of the group.

"Okay, someone seems to have hidden my swatches, but never fear. I can do it all from memory. Now I could spend hours and hours talking about which accessories, fabrics, textures, and prints are in, but Sarge says PSAs are supposed to be sweet and short to the point. So, I'm going to have to focus on colors, and which ones you should be wearing. And coincidentally enough, the Reds and Blues are all ready for the Fall trends. Talk about eager beavers!" Donut then walked over to the line of Red team soldiers and started his monologue again.

"Now as the fashion expert of Forge World, I'm always ready for whatever nature decides to throw at me, because passionate pink is always in style! Tee-hee! But I know the rest of you aren't as fortunate, so let's get started! Here on Red team, we're always in vogue! It's like our unofficial motto! Even Lopez is very stylish with his chocolate mousse brown! Mmm, yum!"

"Eres un imbécil. Este el edición estándar para mi tipo/ _You imbecile. This is standard issue for my type." _The very robotic man responded.

"Oh Lopez, you're so funny, but now we have to move onto someone new! Our next model is Grif, sporting a terracotta orange. Reminds me of pumpkin pies! Also very delicious! But you should definitely make sure that your pie is cooled down before eating it, or else you might burn your whole mouth and that isn't fun at all!" Donut explained very enthusiastically.

"This is stupid. We don't even have seasons here and the sun never sets." Grif replied. The other soldiers nodded in agreement, but the rookie continued with his little show.

"And next to him is Simmons with his wonderful blue-based red, wine red! This might come as a shock to every one viewing at home, but cheese and wine hour is always in season! I know right? How fabulous!" The Red sergeant couldn't believe what he just heard and had a hard time controlling his anger.

"Simmons!" He barked, "Why the hell are you wearing a blue-based red?! Have you always been trying to undermine this team!?"

"Come on Sarge, do you actually believe Donut's ramblings? And I'm clearly wearing maroon." The smarter soldier tried to reason with his commanding leader.

"In most cases I'd believe you, but this particular subject seems to be his expertise. So I'm forced to trust him instead." Sarge reluctantly admitted.

"Thanks Sarge!" The younger private then continued with his unwanted advice, "And last, but certainly not least, is our sergeant, Sarge. He is rocking the very prominent color, blood red! I think it suits him very well!" The sergeant just shrugged off Donut's new revelation.

The faux host then moved over to the next line of bored soldiers.

"Let's take a look at the people on the cool-colored spectrum! We have Caboose in a noble royal blue! It's a regal color fit for a king!" Donut cheerfully introduced his favorite Blue buddy.

"In my mind, I'm already king of the land," the Blue private added, "So this isn't a big deal to me. But I'm glad you think I'm noble." The man in pink nodded and analyzed his next target.

"To the right of him is Tucker. He's sooo ready for Fall with his blue lagoon blue!"

"God this is so gay." Tucker mumbled to himself trying to imagine himself elsewhere. Donut ignored that remark and finished with the self-appointed Blue team leader.

"And rounding off the Blue team, is Church with an electric peacock blue! A bold choice for a bold man!"

"Yeah. We're done here. Come on guys." Church ordered as he quickly returned towards his base. The rest of his team followed as too. Donut was met with despair as he saw half of his audience left, so he wrapped up his speech while they were still in ear-shot.

"I don't know about you guys, but I'm already tingling with anticipation! Because when Fall arrives, we'll be able to kick it's dreary ass with our sassy colors, and refreshing stylish knowledge! Remember kids, knowledge is power! Tune in next season when I teach you how to combat the bitter coldness of Winter! Oh! But for any of you viewers in the in Canyon area, I'll be hosting a seminar called 'Practical Prints' and it starts in two minutes! So drop by if you're interested! And with that, I'm Franklin Delano Donut and I'm signing off!" The pink soldier gave a salute to his imaginary camera and dashed off leaving his slightly disturbed friends behind.

"Oh god. There's going to be another one?" Simmons asked.

"I'm praying that within the next two minutes I get captured or killed." Grif grumbled. That idea did please Sarge, but he had something better in mind.

"As much as we'd all like that. I much prefer to see you miserable. So as your commanding officer, I'm ordering you to attend Donut's girlie meeting." The sergeant commanded, bringing out his shotgun out for any expected resistance.

"Ha, have fun." Simmons gave a small wave as Grif trudged down to land level. Sarge instantly turned his gun to the snarky maroon soldier.

"You too. You whine red traitor."

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**Thanks to all that have read my silly tales. It's nice to work on something so light and cheery. I'd be glad to write any stories you have in mind too. Just send me a message if this is of interest to you. Have a nice day. :)**


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